You know it can be scary. Letting go is scary. It means leaving all your sobs, and tears behind; the pain, the depression. No one said it was easy. That’s because it’s not. It’s not easy. It never was easy, and it never will be. Just because its hard, doesn’t mean you can’t do it. If you want to let go, let go. It can be anything, even everything. You have to believe. You have to tell yourself you can do it, because you can. You can do it. You can let go.
No one said it was easy. That must be the problem in the world; it’s not easy. People don’t express their true feelings, but keep them hid inside. We are sad, but yet we don’t cry. We are happy, but never smile. When we are angry, we wouldn’t scream, or yell to let out frustration. We pretend. If we did those things, we would be ashamed; a terrible feeling, that just gets worse. Life is dull. Mixed with plenty of different emotions. But we all feel them. So instead of sitting lonely with your eyes closed, stand up and wonder, with them open. Stop, look around, and see how the world is beautiful. See how it can be easy.
Stop. Look at yourself. You are human. You mean something. You mean everything. Don’t let yourself down because someone broke your heart, or because your friends stabbed you in the back, or someone called you fat, ugly or fake. Let it out, and cry, because crying is not a weakness, it makes you nothing but stronger. Don’t be afraid to forget a painful memory. Let your good memories take over. Live strong. Live for yourself, not that boy or girl you thought you “loved,” but for you. Fall. Fall hard, get up, and fall again. Stare, smirk, smile, laugh. Then cry, yell, scream and roar. Repeat it. Not once, or twice, three times, maybe more. Make something of your life, don’t let others do it for you. Your anything your set out to be. Your you. Beautiful, strong, proud, and happy. Yes, you are capable of being happy. Your young now, but you only get older. Break the rules, have fun, and when you look back at age seventy, you’ll laugh, and tell yourself you lived your life with your expectations, and you lived, with no regrets.
Grade 10 is over, and I’m growing up. Next year its grade 11, and we all know what comes next. Our big grade 12 year. What a scary thought. Throughout the years all I have been saying was that I wanted to graduate and leave, but now that its so close, its a scary thing to even think about, let alone deal with when it comes. Taking one step at a time is all you can do. Just thinking about having to apply for university’s, being responsable, dependant, and having to say those horrid Good-Byes to all of your amazing friends and family, which never happen to be so good after all. Its tough and frustrating. Nothing but scary thoughts run through my mind. I don’t want it to come so fast. Slow down.
I can’t do this anymore, I don’t have energy. I’m up all hours of the night staring at the ceiling in a pitch black room. I look at the time and it’s 3:30am. Wide awake, heart beating fast, and pain running through my body. It’s coming to a point when I’m not tired, I’m exhausted. My mind can’t take this stress. This can’t be healthy. Everything is always spinning, and my head is always pounding. When I smile, it doesn’t mean I’m happy, it means I’m trying to be happy, I’m trying to break through the exhaustion.
I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I can’t keep pretending. It hurts, and I’m getting weak. My body can’t function anymore, and I’m losing energy. I’m scared, and hopeless. It’s not healthy to be this way, but what other options do I have?