Amber-Arlene ;*

Call me a tree.

Grows slow. Starts weak. Ends strong. Every gust of wind, brings chills, and the branches are easy to break, and nothing can stop it from falling. 

I don’t know where to begin. Other then starting off with all the bad things in life, I would like to mention all the amazing things first. There isn’t very many. Other then I’m still alive, which maybe is starting to sound not so good anymore. I’m sitting in my room, with all the lights off, and dreadful music playing at volume one. I’m lonely, but maybe it’s better off this way. As tears fall from my face, and I rub my eyes until there red, I realize my hands are smudged in black, from my make-up, and I wonder to myself, why do I even try, when something this hideous, could never be beautiful. I also ask myself why I’m writing this, because I stopped caring, and no one else cares enough to read it, to wonder, to ask questions. I don’t know who to turn to anymore, I don’t know how to react, how to smile and mean it, or try to live. “Live Like You’re Dying,” is kind of hard to do, when you’d rather be dead, then alive in the first place. If I don’t care, why should anyone else? They shouldn’t. I use to be scared, but after not caring so much, you really can’t do anything about it. I know there’s worst things in the world. I understand what others may go through, but little does everyone know, I use to be so happy, I enjoyed everything, I had an amazing family, friends, life. One day, everything changed, it continued, and now I can’t handle it anymore. It’s to hard. What’s billions of people, take away one? 

i cant deal with this, im not strong enough, and im tired of pretending that i am. 

I want someone here, who will understand. Someone who will hold me, after I tried to push them away. I keep running away from my problems, because I’m to scared, to weak to face them. I’m on the urge of screaming until my lungs collapse. If this is what it feels like when people “care” I don’t want to witness them, when they don’t.